The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex discover here partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay guys wish to discover out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart my link (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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