The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love brings enormous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .

But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that numerous of Recommended Site his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Numerous gay men desire to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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